leave

it was around 6pm and the jam started already, i was driving on federal highway happily going towards subang...den when i cross one of the flyover, i saw a bunch of policemen standing down there... den i saw this policeman looking at me and talking into his stupid walkie talkie which was strapped on his shoulder, like some retard. den i continue driving la cos i din do anything wrong i know. den out from somewhere, this policeman came and stood right in front of my car and asked me go aside. cib*i#&$@%$*. i didnt do anything wrong, make me dulan... i wind down my window and... lets call him Mr. MMD (Make Me Dulan)

mr mmd: tengok IC dan lesen

me: encik, untuk apa ar?

mr mmd: pegawai i tu kata you guna handphone

i was using a handsfree and it was dem obvious cos it was hanging out from my ear.

me: saya guna handsfree la! *holding the handsfree wire that was dangling out from my ear and shaking it to him*

mr mmd: dia kata you pegang tu handphone *showing his hand shaped like holding a handphone, like i didnt know the meaning of pegang*

me: saya pegang ni butang la *show him the button that was on my handsfree wire*

mr mmd: you pegang tu handphone, you satu tangan kat stereng satu tangan pegang handphone

fucker raising his voice already. i took out my ic and license and pass to him.
den i also dun rmb whether i had only one hand on the stereng, but i know dem well that i wasn't playing or pushing any buttons on my handphone, it was bladi obvious cos it's on my lap.

mr mmd: you tak boleh pegang handphone. you letak kat sana boleh *points at the handphone on my lap*, you letak kat kusyen sana boleh *points at passenger seat, 'kusyen?!?!"*, ader orang letak itu pemegang dan lekat sini *pointing at dunno where on top of my window* handphone letak sana boleh. tapi you TAK BOLEH pegang handphone *and proceeds to show his bladi hand again like as tho i didnt know the meaning of pegang*

me: *dulan already* den bagaimana mau buat panggilan??

he ignore me and start pretending to write on some book which he's holding. den he pretend to glance at my handphone den glance at me

mr mmd: handphone mahal...

me: yea handphone mahal. kenapa? jealous ke you? semua rasuah you ambik tak boleh beli handphone mahal ke?

haha nah im just making that up kekkee... i pretended i didn't hear his 'handphone mahal' hint and said to him:

me: har? saman mahal ar?

mr mmd: saman ni, boleh sampai 300...

me: *wtf?!!! you saman me the max? and for something i didnt even do??!!! dem kau dulan*

mr mmd: you mesti bayar kompaun ni sebelum hari ni *and shows me a date which he wrote on that book*

me: oh

and he continue writing dunno what on his book.

mr mmd: kalau you mau, saya boleh tolong...

me: *rasuah time!! but still dulan* bagaimana?... *den i look away, dowan to look at him*

mr mmd: 50 la

me: har 50 ah...encik, saya pelajar saja la...

mr mmd: jadi bagaimana?

me: 30 la...boleh ar?

mr mmd: ah boleh lah

phew! where the hell did i get the courage to bargain?? til now i dunno.
so i opened my wallet to take out 30rm............ SHIT! NO 30RM!! got a bladi 50rm note there! should i ask him for 20rm change? do you think he'll change for me? hmm....... no dont be stupid!
got another 10rm note there, 1 5rm note and a few 1rm notes...i took out the 10, 5 and 1 notes halfway from my wallet, careful not to show him my 50 note...

me: *with my saddest and most pathetic voice ever* aiyahh....30 pun tak ader la.... encik, ni boleh ar? *show him my notes, and put on my saddest and most pathetic face ever*

mr mmd: ahhh boleh lah...lipat tu duit

so i took out the money, 18rm all together, den he pass me my ic....den i dunno what to do!

mr mmd: LIPAT!

so i fold my money, fold also kenot fold properly, fold half only.

mr mmd: letak kat bawah ic

so i letak kat bawah ic.

mr mmd: bagi sini

so i pass the whole thing to him.
den he pretend to write stuff on his bladi book again. den he show me the book.

mr mmd: ar tengok ar, saya tak tulis aper aper, tengok ar

dat stupid book was bladi clean!!! ahahahahha i could just see some scribbles on the side and some at the bottom ahahahahhha i wanted to lmao edy.

me: hahahha you pura-pura tulis saja kah!!

haha nah im just kidding.

me: saya sudah tak ader duit untuk makan malam hari ni... tak aper la yea, you makan untuk saya lah...

hahah kidding again

me: tunggu ya! saya ader satu badge untuk awak... "Saya Makan Rasuah" badge!

wahahahhahahahha

so anyway he gave me back my ic and driving license, and i wind up my window and signal right to cut back out to the road. den he stop the back car for me hahahahahah to let me cut out.

haihh bladi cibai

you saman me for something i didnt do, and you took all my money. you're no less different than a thief.

RM18. that's ALL you're worth.